To Start At the End
by IsabelleHayven
Summary: Gelphie both book & musical and also completely AU. Galinda background and heavy angst


**DISCLAIMER:** Nothing _WICKED_ is mine, the only gain I get from writing this is satisfaction I've actually completed a story. No reason to sue me.

**WARNING:** This story uses a possible trigger plot device. Somebody suffers from depression and cuts herself. If this is not for you, there are plenty of other stories out there. Oh yeah... **GELPHIE** f/f pairing. Some ppl are offended by that too... _blinks in confusion_

vvvv-------------------------------------vvvv----------------------------------------vvvv

_The End_

Sometimes the best way to tell a story is to start with its ending. So I suppose I should start there since I haven't really any idea where the beginning exactly began.

I listened to the cries of the mob below me, their cries demanding death and more. How many bridges did I dare cross? How many times could I deny what my heart told me? I forget now the exchange between myself and the woman that had been at my side, only that I had protested and she had growled that the rest of Oz might have believed my act of Goodness but that she saw past it and that I had wanted this from the beginning. I fled her and the mob but not until after a moment of thought. Mme. Morrible was wrong. I had never wanted that. I might not have been Good but I had never wanted _that_.

I went to Elphaba. She hadn't listened to me before things had gotten this far but maybe now she would. I pled with her to stop, to forget Dorothy and the stupid shoes. The shoes meant nothing. Elphaba, however, meant everything. Elphaba was as stubborn and pig-headed as she had ever been, she wouldn't listen. She did, however, tell me she loved me, and I told her the same. Of course we never said those very words but a hundred or more others that came to that. Then there was a sound and Elphaba became wild, hiding me behind a curtain. I could see the shadows of Elphaba, of the girl and her companions. I gasped when the Shadow-Girl splashed a bucket of water at Shadow-Elphaba. Shadow-Elphaba seemed to melt, a loud, long wail tearing from her throat. I covered my mouth to stifle a sob rising from somewhere deep inside me.

Chistery came to tell me, in his wordless way, that Dorothy was gone. But so was Elphie. My Elphie… my sweet, beautiful Elphie. The wicked are left totally on their own. Elphaba was with Fiyero now… both were gone and I was alone. How… perfect. How accurate! Chistery gave me the little green bottle Elphie kept under her pillow and slowly my tears dried as pieces of a puzzle began to fall into place. I went to the Wizard and I told him what I knew, I told him he had to leave Oz. I had Mme. Morrible imprisoned like she wanted done to the Animals. Then I went out to the cheering hoards of people, celebrating my Elphie's death and as I had learned long ago to do, I smiled and told them I wanted to guide them through their fears, wanted to try to be – if they'd let me – Glinda: the Good!

_The Beginning_

Galinda Upland of the Upper Uplands was born to financial comfort. She knew how to get what she wanted with batted eyelashes, pretty smiles and the like before she could speak properly. She had learned that tears only got her pawned off onto her Ama Clutch. The Uplands we're the richest family about – in fact, her mother had married 'beneath her' as her grandparents said. They were never wanting of anything however and young Galinda got most of her heart's desires one way or another. Of tangible items at least. Such fanciful things as affection were not common. It was improper for men to fawn over children, and women were too busy – the whole reason for Amas. Momsie and Popsicle were busy people. Galinda was never treated badly, nor was she entirely ignored by her parents.

Under Ama Clutch's watch, Galinda learned to read before she started school. It kept her busy. In school, Galinda was in her glory. She earned the highest marks in the entire class. She loved it all, linguistification, arts, mathematics… One day, architecture was brought up in art class and Galinda was completely smitten.

Galinda remained top of her class as she grew, growing more and more interested in it all – especially architecture. Architecture seemed to encompass everything all at once. Her town was small and quiet and even as Glinda became a teenager, she knew little of cruelty. Her mother began to spend more time with her upon her thirteenth birthday, much to Galinda's delight. Of course, the thrill faded when Galinda realized that her mother wanted her to focus more attention on her clothes, her hair, her poise and ploys… _"You've got to learn the ways of a proper lady, Gala."_ Momsie would croon as she taught her how to dance, how to flirt, how to attract the perfect proper man. _"Rich men like girls who are ladies, Gala."_

Momsie's attention was attention however so Galinda did as her mother wanted, forgetting about school for the most part. Galinda learned the important lessons of a lady, of the popular. She learned how to smile when inside her heart was breaking. She learned how to perfect her make-up, her wardrobe. She learned the coy language, verbal and body, of flirting. Momsie gave her romance novels that never really did much for Galinda except make her hope she stayed a child forever.

Now sixteen, Galinda lay in her bed, reading one of the books before she slept. They spoke of palpitations, clammy hands, moans in the night (or morning or afternoon…), men atop women and more. She didn't want any of it. She wanted something else but hadn't a clue what. Clearly it was the things in these books that she was supposed to want… She closed the pages and tucked the book beneath her bed. She clutched her pillow and cried. She couldn't even want the things her parents wanted for her. She was a failure – as a student, as a daughter… A long time later, her tears had been cried out but something was still inside… something was still desperate to come out.

The feeling didn't fade, hadn't faded in so very long… Galinda sat upon her bed, a hand-mirror in one hand, a brush in the other. She hummed lightly as she studied her reflection and carefully brushed her golden locks for the hundred strokes her mother so recommended. At 76, there was a crash of lightning, accompanied by furious thunder. Galinda jumped and the mirror slipped from her hand, crashing to the floor. She let out a startled yelp seeing the broken pieces. "I know I can't stand to look at myself but honestly." She muttered, staring morosely. "Momsie will kill me for breaking that…" If only that were true. She climbed from her bed and knelt to begin cleaning up. One piece sliced at her fingers, drawing blood. Galinda could only watch the red droplets well, fall… Her heart began to palpitate… her hands grew clammy… She gripped the piece of broken mirror and carefully, purposefully dragged the sharp edge over the back of her hand. She let out a hiss that was half moan. Was this what the women in those novels felt when they begged for more? Galinda locked her bedroom door then undressed. Sitting on a black dress she had worn to her grandmother's funeral, she studied her body, trying to think where a deeper mark would go unnoticed. She settled on her thigh. It wasn't as if she swam this time of year… She poised the mirror shard like a scalpel and cut.

Momsie had her write the entrance essays for Shiz, telling her what a fine place it would be to meet a proper husband. _"Oh Gala… the city! You'll learn everything I couldn't teach you."_

And maybe they'd never discover her new secret habit…

_The Middle_

"Drop it."

But Elphaba was like a cur with a rat in its mouth, jaws locked. "No way. We're friends now. I supposed to care about your academics and such. You're brilliant! Why are you trying so hard not to be!"

Galinda pursed her lips. How could she possibly make her friend understand? "You were sent here for one reason, right?" She began slowly, not meaning to be cruel, just trying to make her point.

Elphaba stiffened but nodded in agreement. "To take care of Nessarose." Not that it needed to be said. It was Elphaba's way of showing resentment towards her younger sister, and one of the only ways Elphaba allowed that resentment to surface.

Galinda nodded, fidgeting with the hem on the sleeve of her dress. "Well, I was sent here for one reason too." She admitted, her voice becoming a little on the watery side.

Curiosity with a hint of foreboding washed over Elphaba and she shifted to make room for Galinda on her bed. She was glad when the smaller girl sat beside her and to show it, pulled Galinda into an embrace. "Why?" She asked, though she was rather afraid of what the answer might be.

"I am to find an appropriate husband."

Elphaba's fears subsided. For the most part, anyway. She snickered. "They sent you Shiz to fall in love?"

Galinda pulled away so she could meet Elphaba's eyes, her own expression disapproving of her friend's mirth. "Who said anything about love?"

Elphaba's laughter stopped abruptly. "It's politics." This wasn't a question and she frowned when the blonde only shrugged indifferently. "What of you? Of your heart?"

Galinda looked away. "What of it? It doesn't matter. I could love… that wouldn't change what I'm here for. I could already be in love." But she didn't think that was possible. Women fell in love with men. It wasn't a man that made her palms get clammy and her heart skip a beat like in the romance novels her mother sent her.

Elphaba's breath caught. "You're in love?"

Galinda didn't want to talk about this and decided to sway the topic of conversation. She laid down, putting her head in Elphaba's lap and closing her eyes. "I thought you were scolding me over my marks not about my love life or lack thereof."

Elphaba stroked Galinda's golden curls and tried not to think about the emptiness and pain she saw hidden in Galinda's eyes – the hollow look Elphaba had hated for so long. After all, what did Miss Perfect Princess Galinda Upland of the Upper Uplands have to cry about? And cry Galinda did, in the dark when she thought Elphaba was asleep. It stung to admit that maybe she was as guilty of judging by appearances as the people who scorned her for being green. "You're so smart, Galinda. I just hate to see you throw it away. Especially on something so… so stupid!"

Galinda stiffed and drew away from Elphaba. "Stupid?" She echoed, her voice becoming slightly shrill with offense.

Elphaba blinked, surprised by Galinda's response. "Well… you should marry for love, not because your parents want to climb up the social ladder."

Galinda flushed and rose to her feet. "My parents want me to be taken care of!" She argued.

"You're smart enough to take care of yourself." Elphaba said firmly. "In math, all your answers are right, just backwards. In Linguistification, it's all anagrams and such. You know it all and you can't quite dumb yourself down enough to hide it!"

Galinda shook her head. "You're crazy." She spat. "You're giving me way too much credit and a terrible headache besides." She headed to her wardrobe and scanned it, lifting a pair of shoes and dusting underneath with her hand or perhaps taking something flat from a hiding spot. "I'm going for a bath." She muttered, grabbing a towel and heading for the door. She figured Elphaba would be turned off enough by the water to leave her alone for a while.

Elphaba's lips twitched. "I'll just start again when you come back." She pointed out, watching Galinda leave.

After more than an hour and a half, Elphaba had fallen far beyond 'concerned', well into 'downright worried'. She headed to the bathroom to ensure Galinda was simply avoiding her and it was nothing more serious than that. She paused just inside the doorway, unnoticed.

Galinda stood, blonde hair, dripping down her shoulders and back which was to the door and Elphaba. She held something in her hand. She was still undressed and so recently out of the bath that all of her was still covered in droplets of water. "Loathing… simple, utter loathing… unadulterated loathing." The girl muttered then brought her arm in front of herself, a hiss escaping her lips.

Elphaba stepped forward. "What are you doing?" She asked, 'downright worry' beginning to turn into 'panic'.

Galinda gasped and frantically looked for something to cover herself without turning to face Elphaba.

"Stop it. You're beautiful, we're both girls… I won't look. You don't need to hide... What. Were. You. Doing?" Elphaba demanded again, coming to stand closer to Galinda.

"Nothing."

Elphaba might have let it go until she noticed blood dripping down Galinda's leg. She grabbed the girl's arm and spun her around. She let out a strangled cry as she saw Galinda's thighs were striped with angry red wounds in various states of newness. One was ragged, deep and bleeding steadily. Bile rose in Elphaba's throat. "This is what you do! You little idiot!" She hissed, still gripping Galinda's arm with one hand and with the other, slapping whatever it was the smaller girl had used to mutilate herself with from her hand. She pulled Galinda into a fierce embrace, the blonde's nakedness forgotten, the burn of the water on her flesh unnoticed. "You little idiot!" She cried again. "Don't… Lurline above, please don't…"

Galinda had started crying though she wasn't exactly sure when. She clung to Elphaba, her heart hammering wildly with pain and emotion, her breath coming on in wracking sobs.

Somehow Elphaba got Galinda into a shift and back to their room where they had fallen together on Elphaba's bed, holding one another close. When Galinda's sobs subsided and awareness crept back into her, she shivered and bit her lip in concern. Elphaba's arms, hands, neck… face were all blistered and sore. Galinda kissed the smooth, green expanse of Elphaba's forehead and got to her feet, fetching the oil she knew Elphaba used to care for similar blisters. She sat down and set about taking care of her.

"You really don't have to do that." Elphaba murmured, looking up at Galinda with a mournful expression. Galinda shhhhed her but Elphaba ignored it and continued. "I mean… I should be taking care of you."

"Hush now, Miss Elphaba." Galinda replied, bringing Elphaba's blistered hand to her lips. "I love you." There was no doubt in her mind now. Proper or not, it was what it was.

That was how Miss Elphaba Thropp and Miss Galinda Upland came to fall in love.

But times were strange in Oz and they were torn apart and the Wizard complicated things more than Galinda, still only just learning to stand on her own feet, could deal with. Elphaba defied gravity. Galinda, who had been lifted under Elphaba's wing, stayed behind, afraid of flying quite that high.

The separation became more than what either had been prepared for. And in the end… the wicked was left totally on her own.


End file.
